Doubt

“Would you love me the same?”

“I’m sorry. What do you mean my child?”

Sister Julienne felt uneasy to hear such words from Sister Berna-no, from Shelagh. In all honesty, she did know what Shelagh was getting at and disliked where this conversation was leading to. It would lead to unsavory topics in respect to Shelagh’s now secular life.

“I know you understood my decision in leaving the Order and the ranks of my fellow Sisters. I also know that in the future there will undoubtedly come a time when we shall disagree. The veil of the Order that I wore for so long is gone. But I shall always follow the teachings of the Lord and keep him close to me, but,” Shelagh couldn’t meet her former Sister’s eyes and trailed off in the distance. Focusing on the dimly light hall across from them.

“But?”

Perhaps it was the way Sister Julienne spoke, which always felt encouraging and prompted Shelagh to continue.

“I know my life choices have already been questioned by others, but I care more of what you think of me. If you were to question me with scrutiny or disappointment. ”

“My dear you know how I feel,” a genuine smile was displayed on Sister Julienne’s features, “I hold no malice to you. I know now of your path, a path God truly intended for you. Please do not worry my child.”

“Still, I worry about our relationship, your opinion of me. That’s why I want to know if you’ll still hold the same love for me while I live a life different from your own. What if one day I fail to follow the teachings of the Church? What then?”

“My dear, ‘what ifs’ are meant for those who can afford to waste their life away, to dread on the unknown. Please do not worry. You will always be in my heart and prayers. You are my family, my friend, and my confidante, which will never change.”


 

Shelagh thought back to the conversation shared with Sister Julienne on the eve of her Christmas wedding, which was not to be. She thought back to how Sister Julienne’s words truly comforted her, the impact they had. But now, now she didn’t know what to think. Introduction and distribution of the pill was coming, which noticeable stirred negative feelings within Sister Julienne. This led to her own personal life questioned by her former Sister, which was becoming too much. Shelagh knew this day would come, it was silly to think it wouldn’t and the question asked before resonated in her thoughts.

‘If she was in Sister Julienne’s position, would she still carry the same love for herself before leaving the Order? She had changed, especially from the experiences the secular life had shown her. Would she still be loved the same by God and by her maternal figure, Sister Julienne?’

A/N:

Quick one-shot (written on Tumblr, but I wanted it here too as my first song inspired fic) inspired by a single lyric sung by Jessica Jung called “Love Me the Same” and by other fics that have brought to light the crisis Shulienne is facing.

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